Shadows
by CrazyTenor42
Summary: Obi-Wan is unable to come to terms with Anakin's death, as well as the destruction left behind by Order 66. There is no Jedi Order. There is no Republic. All that remains is Anakin's child and even that may not be enough. Obi-Wan flees to Tatooine, hoping to escape the miserable outlook of his future. Anakin/Obi-Wan and mpreg. Composed of short snippets.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So I wrote this a while ago and just remember to post it.  
This is going to be an extremely dark story, thoughts of suicide, self-harm (But, I promise, the baby will be fine.).

* * *

The Senate chamber is filled with the bodies of slaughtered politicians. Obi-Wan finds Bail Organa, shot three times, his body still desperately shielding the woman underneath him. He looks away, but not before he recognizes the wisps of brown hair and elaborate dress of Padme Amidala. A month ago, he would have cried. Now, he has no more tears left to shed.


	2. Chapter 2

The Council chamber is a mass grave. The Younglings all desperately fled there, the last safe haven against the clones. They fought bravely and futility until the end. Not that it matters. There are no Jedi left to memorialize their sacrifice.


	3. Chapter 3

Reports come trickling in. Everyday is another name. Another nightmare. Plo Kloon. Stass Allie. Aayla Secura. Ki-Adi-Mundi. Obi-Wan adds his own to the list. Yoda. Mace Windu. Kit Fisto. Anakin Skywalker. He vaguely wonders if they are lucky ones.


	4. Chapter 4

He watches Anakin fall over and over and over in his mind. For a few seconds, everything was perfect. Palpatine – the Sith Lord – was dead. Then Palpatine lashes out in his last dying moments. Anakin is enveloped by Force-lightning moments before he is sent crashing through the window. Anakin restored balance. He killed the Sith. Why wasn't that enough? Did Anakin have to die with him? Obi-Wan would have gladly died in his place.


	5. Chapter 5

Anakin's body is still missing. Maybe, just maybe, Anakin pulled once last miracle, the Hero With No Fear survived another deadly mission. Anakin had survived worse. His hope lasts until he sees the body lying in a pool of blood and shattered glass.


	6. Chapter 6

He spends most of his time forcibly ejecting the contents of his stomach. He can't tell if it is the pregnancy or just the stress. Morning sickness and cravings and swollen ankles, Anakin promised to never leave Obi-Wan's side. The thought of not having Anakin just makes him feel worse. He can't tell who he envies anymore, the living or the dead.


	7. Chapter 7

He spends a lot of time thinking about death. Blasters. Poison. Lightsabers. Windows. Overdoses. He wonders if he is far enough along that it will be considered a suicide and a murder. It doesn't matter. There is no afterlife for him anyway.


	8. Chapter 8

He can't stay on Courscant. There is no Temple left to live in. The halls that survived the fire are carpeted with blaster marks. The entire building echoes with screams. Obi-Wan walks the hallways at night, unable to sleep. He's never sure if those he passes are Jedi, or the ghosts in his mind.


	9. Chapter 9

No one cares what happens to him. Everyone left has their own problems, their own dead to mourn. No one has time for anyone else. There is no Jedi Order, not anymore. The Council is dead. Maybe a handful of Jedi are left. He doesn't care about them. He misses Anakin.


	10. Chapter 10

He tries not to look at the ship Anakin will never fly again. In his own fighter, he finds the coordinates set to Tatooine. There is a little nine year old boy waiting to fulfill his destiny among the stars. Qui-Gon is going to tell him he is strong in the Force. The Force will be his guiding and protecting ally. Obi-Wan needs to tell him the Force is just a glorified kiss of death.


	11. Chapter 11

The ship gets him enough money for a small hovel and credits for food. He should buy more clothes. The two tunics he owns are in tatters. He just doesn't see a point. No one seems to see him. Not even the merchants talk to him.


	12. Chapter 12

Sand gets everywhere. He has only been on this planet a month and already his skin is being worn down by the coarseness. He sleeps in it. He eats it. He breathes it. He bathes in it. The sand doesn't mean to destroy him; it is going to assimilate him.


	13. Chapter 13

Obi-Wan spends a few mornings staring downwards at his still flat stomach. He and Anakin never did pick a name. Anakin had been stunned when Obi-Wan told him they were going to have a child. He was silent for maybe thirty seconds before positively beaming with excitement. Obi-Wan had never loved him more.


	14. Chapter 14

He wishes days were shorter. He sleeps as long as his nightmares allow. He eats as much as the baby demands. The rest of the time he sits and lets the sand and his thoughts ravage him. This isn't life, this is eternity.


	15. Chapter 15

Obi-Wan instinctively moves over on the bed to allow Anakin to slip next to him. They fall asleep wrapped in an embrace. When the suns start to rise, Obi-Wan awakes and sleepily raises a hand to Anakin's cheek. He finds nothing but sand.


	16. Chapter 16

He runs out of money in three months. Maybe four. Time doesn't mean much to him. Obi-Wan sells all he has – the hilt of his lightsaber, his cloak, and his boots. He doesn't need them. He isn't a Jedi anymore.


	17. Chapter 17

Anakin hates being dead. He thought it was supposed to be peaceful. Instead, he gets stuck in an afterlife with the Council. At least Qui-Gon is there. And thankfully Obi-Wan is not.


	18. Chapter 18

The future scares him. He has nothing left to sell. Once this money runs out... He can't hold a job with a newborn at night. He cannot raise Anakin's child. There are no Healer's on this planet to even help him give birth to this child. Qui-Gon. Siri. Satine. Shmi. Anakin. This baby will just be another name on the list of people he has failed.


	19. Chapter 19

Anakin spends days talking to Qui-Gon. His pride for Anakin and Obi-Wan is immediately apparent. He smiles in a way that makes Anakin sure Qui-Gon knew what would happen by pairing them together. Qui-Gon has been watching them for so many years, watching his plan fall into place. _You two were meant to save each other. _


	20. Chapter 20

Anakin and Qui-Gon watch Obi-Wan stagger into town, no cloak to block the sun, and thin slips of fabric tied around his feet to replace his boots. By the time he gets back to his hovel, his feet are cut and bleeding, his face and neck blistering from the sun. Anakin cannot afford to think how much danger Obi-Wan is in without a weapon.


	21. Chapter 21

The Council is unhelpful. Even Qui-Gon is hesitant. They promise to teach Anakin how to appear as a ghost, but warn him not to interfere. He wants to be more than just an image and a voice. Obi-Wan needs more than that. And not that he likes to brag, but he killed the kriffing Sith Lord. He saved the galaxy. And they won't let him save one more person?


	22. Chapter 22

Fuck the Council. He didn't obey them in life. He won't obey them in death. Obi-Wan needs him. It isn't enough just to watch, just to talk. Anakin needs to hold him. To carry him. To support him. _I am the Chosen One. I proved it. That has to mean something._


	23. Chapter 23

The small things in life are what count. Today, that small thing is the lack of mirrors. Obi-Wan knows how he looks. His face and hands are burned. His feet are bleeding, swollen, and infected with sand. His stomach bulges obscenely out in front of him. His hair and beard are overgrown and filthy. Even if Anakin had been alive, he would have run away long ago in disgust.


	24. Chapter 24

Once in awhile he eats something that looks good until it hits his stomach. He isn't sure if it is supposed to happen or not. He can't remember what the Healers' told him. Probably just the baby turning against him.


	25. Chapter 25

Between the pregnancy swelling up his ankles, the weight of his stomach creating an ache in his back, and the infected cuts from the lack of boots, Obi-Wan can barely stand. He has been limping and feebly pulling himself around for the past few days. Anakin's need to be with him only increases.


	26. Chapter 26

Qui-Gon tells him it is impossible. The dead stay dead. Even if the Council showed him how to appear to Obi-Wan, he would only be a ghost. Anakin doesn't accept that. If he has to watch one more day of Obi-Wan struggling just to walk from his bed to the fresher, he is going to wish to somehow die again.


	27. Chapter 27

Obi-Wan keeps seeing them together again. He is with Anakin. Both of them are smiling and laughing. He can never remember why. Then Anakin pulls him into a hug seconds before he collapses, convulsions wracking his body and blood spewing from his mouth. Obi-Wan would like to call it a nightmare, but he knows he isn't sleeping.


	28. Chapter 28

He still can't sleep. At first he thought it was the heat or the sand or the baby or the nightmares. Now he knows he just needs Anakin. It is strange to not have arms wrapped around him and fingers lazily running across his back. Obi-Wan had managed without Anakin for nearly two decades. Why can't he survive without him now?


	29. Chapter 29

He gets out of bed and falls to the ground. His feet have gone completely numb. It would have been wise to treat them, but he has no bacta or bandages. He can't take care of himself, just like he can't take care of others. Obi-Wan stays curled on the ground, tears streaming down his face. He feels a hand on his shoulder and he looks up to see Anakin standing over him. His hallucinations are getting worse. He really is going crazy.


	30. Chapter 30

Anakin carries him gently to the bed. Somehow, it is different, watching Obi-Wan and actually being with him. Anakin lived in poverty, but this is so much worse. Obi-Wan has nothing but food and water. No extra clothes. No bacta. Not even the slightest hint of luxuries. He tells Obi-Wan to stay where he is and then heads off into town.


	31. Chapter 31

Anakin leaves. Obi-Wan knew he would. Anakin is dead. He is hallucinating. Obi-Wan saw him die. There was no medical treatment that could revive a body so smashed. There had been blood. So much blood. Anakin was beyond help.


	32. Chapter 32

He forgets how much he hates Tatooine. The bartering and the shouting and the mistrust. Everything he has no time for. He offers to make a few quick repairs, convince a few people to pay their debts. Watto is always willing to take him back. He buys what Obi-Wan needs.


	33. Chapter 33

Obi-Wan has not moved since Anakin left. _Why can't you believe it's really me? _Obi-Wan only shakes his head. Anakin can't be back. He knows his purpose in life. He is meant for infinite sadness. He doesn't deserve a happy ending.


	34. Chapter 34

Anakin grabs a cloth and pulls Obi-Wan's feet into his lap. He starts to clean away the blood and pus and sand caking Obi-Wan's feet. Obi-Wan wants nothing but to lean against Anakin, relax and take comfort in having him back. But he knows he isn't back. Just another way he is torturing himself.


	35. Chapter 35

It takes Anakin one week and five days to convince Obi-Wan he is actually back. He still can't answer how. _I love you, you needed me. And I was bored without you. _Obi-Wan seems to accept it. He stops looking past Anakin, stops pretending he doesn't exist. Instead, he looks terrified.


	36. Chapter 36

Anakin must be disgusted with him. Why did he come back? He was dead, away from the pain and burdens of life. For what? Obi-Wan? He didn't have anything Anakin was looking for. Not anymore. Obi-Wan only has one purpose left. That's why Anakin is here. Obi-Wan is here to have Anakin's baby. Just a vessel. Anakin cares about the baby, not him. It is the only thing he is good for.


	37. Chapter 37

Obi-Wan needs to leave Tatooine. His pregnancy is already putting enough strain on his body, he cannot keep struggling under the harsh conditions of Tatooine. Obi-Wan never complains, but Anakin can see it. Anakin spends his nights massaging Obi-Wan's back and ankles and rubbing salve into Obi-Wan's skin. It is irritated and raw, a reaction to being constantly beaten by the sun and sand.


	38. Chapter 38

Anakin wants to take him back to Coruscant. Obi-Wan is against the idea. He can't face the remaining Jedi. Most of the Order is dead because he could not protect them. Whoever was left he abandoned. There is no sanctuary there for him.


	39. Chapter 39

Anakin tells Obi-Wan that Qui-Gon is proud of him. Obi-Wan doubts it. He got the Chosen One killed. He broke the Jedi Code. Qui-Gon's old Padawan is nothing but a coward. Anakin just sadly shakes his head.


	40. Chapter 40

Obi-Wan gives in eventually. It is best for the baby. The Temple still has the necessary medical equipment. How is Obi-Wan going to deliver the baby otherwise? Obi-Wan reluctantly agrees. After he gives birth, he plans on leaving anyway.


	41. Chapter 41

Anakin manages to obtain a ship. It is meant for a single pilot, but it is the best they can find. The walk to the ship's hanger is lengthy. Obi-Wan is out of breath and leaning heavily on him. Anakin jumps into the cockpit and then lifts Obi-Wan into his lap. Before they are even out of the atmosphere, Obi-Wan has fallen asleep.


	42. Chapter 42

When they arrive, the Temple is still in repair. The few survivors eagerly welcome back Anakin and Obi-Wan. They have questions: about Anakin's resurrection, Obi-Wan's absence and his protruding middle. Anakin ignores them all. His only focus is the man huddled in his arms. Let the Jedi wonder.


	43. Chapter 43

He doesn't recognize the man staring back at him in the mirror. It looks like he was on Tatooine for ten years. His hair is welcoming more strands of gray. His skin is dried and creased. His eyes look hollow.


	44. Chapter 44

The baby kicks for the first time and it startles him. It's like feeling a heartbeat in a corpse. Anakin places a hand on his stomach and positively beams. Obi-Wan decides maybe he is more alive than he thought.


	45. Chapter 45

After some persuading, Anakin agrees to attend a banquet in his honor. He does his best to talk Obi-Wan into attending, but he refuses. The people want the Chosen One, not his old, pregnant husband. Anakin returns several hours later grinning proudly. Obi-Wan does his best to pretend he isn't jealous.


	46. Chapter 46

Obi-Wan flips on the Holo and sees Anakin's face gracing every channel. Anakin encourages him to watch it, but Obi-Wan turns it off irritably. It leads to their first shouting match. Obi-Wan wants to go back to Tatooine. The entire galaxy has been clamoring to throw celebrations in Anakin's honor. He is a hero. But instead of basking in his rightly deserved praise, he hides out in the Temple, playing nursemaid. He deserves more than Obi-Wan.


	47. Chapter 47

Anakin finally forces Obi-Wan to watch the Holo. It is an interview of Anakin, announcing to the galaxy he and Obi-Wan are in love and having a child. Anakin is glowing with happiness while he discusses Obi-Wan and their baby. Obi-Wan realizes how wrong he has been. How could he have doubted Anakin? Anakin that he sacrificed total unity with the Force for him. There is no higher way to show his dedication or love.


	48. Chapter 48

Obi-Wan sees a Healer for the first time since he left the Temple. He is chastised for not taking better care of himself, but despite his lack of self-preservation the baby is perfectly healthy. Obi-Wan gets another piece of news, he is having a son. The second he is released, he rushes to find Anakin. Anakin could not be happier, not only because they are having a son, but at hearing the pride and excitement in Obi-Wan's voice.


	49. Chapter 49

Anakin knows his time is running out. He has not yet found a way to tell Obi-Wan. Anakin made a terrible miscalculation. He is not here forever. He can feel the Force tugging on him, pulling him back into its embrace. It is getting harder and harder to fight off the inevitable. Obi-Wan needs to be strong enough to raise their son alone.


End file.
